“We are back here again, aren’t we?”
I paused for as long as I could manage. I broke.
“I guess.” My voice cut the silence with a cool, steely edge. At least, I wanted it to.
“You just can’t believe that it might be true, can you?”
“No,” I replied, “Obviously I can’t.”
“Every time we get here, it becomes so clear you are in distress. You must see that that is real?”
“Is it?” I hoped sincerely that it was. “Or is it just an excuse? It sounds like an excuse.”
She stared straight at me. I wanted to get up walk away. I let my focus become blurred and tried my hardest to escape her gaze. I checked the clock. It was impossible.
“Ok, so, let’s assume I am. Let’s assume it isn’t my fault and I’m not to blame. It doesn’t change anything, does it?”
“Maybe it will.”
She sat there, silent and still, her eyes fixed on me. I wanted to run but, again, I stayed. Something always makes stay. Silent and still, I allowed myself a moment to try to imagine if things were different.
I had nowhere to go from here. I had nothing to say that hadn’t been said too many times before.
So I sat there distressed, silent and still, and waited.