Nothing teaches you about fear like becoming a parent. Nothing.
I recall the first night we brought our baby home. We took it in turns to stay awake through the night as she slept. Just in case.
And I recall that same night, around three am, when she wouldn’t sleep unless snuggled next to me as I fought to keep my eyes open and then, little by little, failed to do so. I remember how I berated myself for taking such a risk! I admit, I had an awful lot to learn.
Today, she has a rash. Red patches that can settle on neither spots nor splodges and leave me dashing to google for a diagnosis. She is fine.
Ultimately, I am terrified of losing her and it takes almost more than I have to keep that in check every day as we deal with all the big bad world dares to offer.
But the fear I have found is so much more than this. It is a fear of myself and all the damage I will undoubtedly do. I dread the thought of breaking her.
And the only thing that scares me more is that thought that I might not be around to see just how misplaced all my fears might be.
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I have the same worries. Your baby is beautiful and she’s lucky to have a caring mommy.
I think all mothers must feel this way! And her father is even worse! Thank you, I think she is too! X
oh my love, what beautiful felt words, your precious girl. of all your posts, this one has moved me the deepest x
Thank you lovely Laurenne x
I agree with this completely! I woke constantly when first home, nudging her, watching her chest and so forth!
It makes me laugh now but those fears feel so real once they are in your head! X
Great post! I recognize that fear. I had the same fear with my children, especially with a pond on our property.
Oh goodness, I can imagine! Thank you for taking the time to share x
You won’t break her !
You will give her the same strengths & qualities that you have. You have so many …………You will have such fun rediscovering them alongside her. You beautiful girl x
I do love you so Karen x
(But you might retract this once she comes knocking on your door crying about her mean old mother! Although, I am sure Nod will be there with a bacon sandwich to make it all ok!)