Love and Fear

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Nothing teaches you about fear like becoming a parent. Nothing.

I recall the first night we brought our baby home. We took it in turns to stay awake through the night as she slept. Just in case.

And I recall that same night, around three am, when she wouldn’t sleep unless snuggled next to me as I fought to keep my eyes open and then, little by little, failed to do so. I remember how I berated myself for taking such a risk! I admit, I had an awful lot to learn.

Today, she has a rash. Red patches that can settle on neither spots nor splodges and leave me dashing to google for a diagnosis. She is fine.

Ultimately, I am terrified of losing her and it takes almost more than I have to keep that in check every day as we deal with all the big bad world dares to offer.

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But the fear I have found is so much more than this. It is a fear of myself and all the damage I will undoubtedly do. I dread the thought of breaking her.

And the only thing that scares me more is that thought that I might not be around to see just how misplaced all my fears might be.

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10 thoughts on “Love and Fear

  1. You won’t break her !
    You will give her the same strengths & qualities that you have. You have so many …………You will have such fun rediscovering them alongside her. You beautiful girl x

    1. I do love you so Karen x
      (But you might retract this once she comes knocking on your door crying about her mean old mother! Although, I am sure Nod will be there with a bacon sandwich to make it all ok!)

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